The first hours

I clearly remember the police officers separating my husband and myself to question us. At first I didn't understand, then I realized they wanted to be sure that neither my husband or I had anything to do with Nick going out the window. I wanted to be angry, but I also knew they were just doing their job and, much later, I was thankful for that. What if either myself or my husband DID injure our son? I would certainly want the officers to do their job to make sure this child was safe. I recall hearing the officer asking my husband if he had been drinking. At this point, it was around 7:00AM. It was apparent he had been, but, it had been several hours since his last beer.

Somehow, Nick made it into the house all on his own and dropped into a chair in the living room. The paramedics arrived and started examining him. They came to us and said he had old cuts on his arms, that this was an attempted suicide. I don't know why I didn't want to believe that in those first moments after seeing him on the ground. He was a month shy of his 14th birthday, WHY? I couldn't comprehend it. I had no inkling that he was THAT unhappy, I had not realized things were THAT bad that he wanted to end his precious life. After all, he was our oldest, our first teen, I assumed his irritability in the weeks prior were from him being a "typical teen".

We arrived at the ER shortly after the ambulance brought him in, we brought the younger two to school first. What could they do for their brother at the hospital was my thinking, and they both were OK with going to school. While we waited to be allowed in to see our son, the Principal called me. This would be the first of several encounters with this man that made me highly dislike him. I hadn't even talked to my son yet, I didn't know if he had any broken bones, I felt like I knew nothing. This Principal was asking if there was anything he could do, that they wanted to send Nick something, but they weren't sure what yet. I remember thinking he had absolutely no reason to be talking to me at this moment, about sending my son flowers or something. I just wanted to see my son and know he was OK, not listen to this man saying things I considered to be trivial. Flowers? Really? Let me see my son, get my thoughts together, and then maybe I'll talk to you, but certainly not NOW!