That day

I can still feel the freezing cold air on my feet. The morning of February 8, 2007 has been etched in my brain, every detail replayed what feels like a million times. I'm fairly certain it's been much less than that, since the years have past I don't think about that morning on an hourly or even daily basis like I did in the beginning.

It was a frigid morning, I didn't want to get out of bed. But, I had work and the kids had school. I got up reluctantly and started getting ready. I went to knock on my oldest son's door to be sure he was awake since he had to be at school before his brother and sister did. I could feel the cold breeze coming from under his door. I didn't think anything of it at first. After I knocked again and still didn't get a response, I cracked the door open. It was dark, the sun still hadn't risen, his bedroom window was open! In FEBRUARY! I flicked on his light, he wasn't there. I went downstairs, he wasn't there. I called his cell phone, it was ringing in his room. I don't know why, but I called it again, this time looking in his room as it rang like he was going to magically appear. I honestly, in those minutes, thought he had run away. I walked across his room and forced myself to look out his open window. There, 2 stories down lay my not yet 14 year old son on the frozen ground below.

I remember screaming for someone to call 911, that Nick had fallen or jumped out the window. I tried calling 911 from my cell phone, the call wasn't going through. I ran downstairs to call from the land line, I still couldn't get the call to go through. I ran back upstairs to try calling from my cell phone again. At this point, everyone in the house was awake. I screamed at my husband to just go to him. I was so flustered and shaking, I couldn't think, I couldn't even make a call to 911! When I finally got through, I again said he fell or jumped out the window. I don't know why I was thinking he fell out of his window, he wasn't a toddler!

The 911 dispatcher was asking me questions, questions I couldn't answer. I threw blankets out the window to my husband, I didn't know if my son was even alive, but making sure he was at least covered until the ambulance arrived seemed like the right thing to do. So many thoughts were racing through my head at once.